That’s Not Our Jimmy

“That’s not our Jimmy.

Something horrible, horrible had to happen to him.”

 

Yeah, he was sent to war.

That’s what happened to him.

War.

You need not have been in one to understand.

The pictures of innocent children

With missing limbs,

The mothers clutching a dying

Or starving baby.

The hell that is created

For a weeping 19 year old

Who thought he was tough.

The toothless grandfather

Looking over the bodies of all his grandchildren.

The homeless veteran with no legs.

The “what happened to Jimmy” husband

Who drinks himself into oblivion each day,

And is a stranger in his own home.

The perfect setup for the next round

Of vengeance; the continuing the war cycle.

No answers you say?

We’ve got answers.

We can find answers.

But they won’t make anybody rich.

They won’t contribute to imperial desires.

They may not even be politically popular

Especially in the minds of those

Who were never trained in resolving human conflict

Peacefully at the personal level.

Yes, we can find answers

To unify humanity –

To pull together and solve

The problems of poverty, war, injustice, and xenophobia.

If you don’t believe it can happen,

Then get out of the way

Of those who are willing to make peace bloom

By removing the causes of war

And establishing systems that can prevent it.

It could take 50 years.

Do you think we have that much time?

A Scene from the stage play, The Committee… (c) I. Jones & G. Swimelar

ACT 3, SCENE 4

INT. OPEN STAGE WITH A CONFERENCE TABLE AT THE MID-RIGHT, A “PULL UP” BAR IS ON THE LEFT AND SOME OPEN SPACE FROM THE LEFT — LATER

(Tupac, JFK, and Hoffa are on one side of the stage and Tupac is giving them hip hop dance lessons.  Tupac controls the music which is on a jam box.)

TUPAC

Okay, like this… hey, are you sure you guys want to do this?

HOFFA

Hell no!  I want to go back to pull-ups.

JFK

Tupac — you aren’t going to give up on us are you?

TUPAC

Fuck no!  What the hell else do I have to do here in this tank?  At least I can get my own thing going from the music.

(Tupac does a few dance steps.)

Okay, now you guys have to get your shit together.

JFK

I’m trying Tupac!

(As JFK goes through some steps trying to copy Tupac.  Hoffa is also trying to hip hop.)

(The lights dim and the scene closes with the three of them practicing hip hop dancing.)

ACT 3, SCENE 5

INT. OPEN STAGE WITH A CONFERENCE TABLE AT THE MID-RIGHT, A “PULL UP” BAR IS ON THE LEFT AND SOME OPEN SPACE FROM THE LEFT — LATER

(Tupac is taking charge.)

TUPAC

Ok, move the conference table to the side.

(All but JFK, MLK, and Tupac move committee table to the side.)

ELVIS

Hey, is this for real?

TUPAC

It absolutely is — these guys are going to compete in hip hop dancing, and you guys are going to be the judges.  Ok, make room for the contestants!

WALT DISNEY

Shoot, I wish I had my movie camera!

TUPAC

You might be glad you don’t have it after you see this.

HOFFA

I don’t care how I look as long as I win.

MALCOLM X

That’s the idea, Jimmy, “by any means necessary!”

TUPAC

Hey, did you really say that shit?

MALCOLM X

Yeah, I did, Tupac — I’m not sure I’d say it now though, it’s a different era.

TUPAC

Hey don’t be so fast — things are still fucked up.

WALT DISNEY

I could never understand why some people are racist.  I never was.

TUPAC

Yeah, sure Walt, I hear ya, brother.

WALT DISNEY

Hey, let’s get the contest going!

TUPAC

Oh yeah, Jimmy and JFK — go over there — I need to introduce you.

(Hoffa and JFK go to their respective corners.  Tupac takes on the role of a typical announcer of a heavyweight championship fight.)

TUPAC

Ladies and gentlemen…shit, we ain’t got no ladies here!

(pause)

Are you ready to rumble!!!!  We have here two honorable competitors who have agreed to forego gang-banging and pull-up competition in order to compete as gentlemen in the performing arts, which, of course is a more civilized and dignified way to settle differences.

MLK

Why can’t they talk over their differences?

TUPAC

Well, I think they have — this is just for a personal kind of challenge…  I want to emphasize that yours truly is NOT responsible for the actual quality of the performances of these two fine contenders.  OK, will the two contenders please present themselves.

(JFK and Hoffa move to either side of Tupac, who has a microphone in his hand — or somethin’ that can look like or serve as a microphone.)

TUPAC

On my left, we have champion pull-upper, Mr. James R. Hoffa, former President of the International Brotherhood of Teamsters; a labor organizer who dedicated himself, when he wasn’t pissing people off, to the idea that all American workers would be respected and paid a livable wage.  And on my right, the challenger, President John Fitzgerald Kennedy, who needs no introduction —

JFK

Oh, come on, Tupac, give me some sugar too.

TUPAC

OK, this is the man who beat the shit out of Richard M. Nixon in a nationally televised debate.

JFK

That’s more like it.

WALT DISNEY

You’re just lucky that Nixon couldn’t find a three track razor!

(laughs)

TUPAC

Gentlemen, you’ve agreed to a coin toss to determine who will perform first — Jimmy, you call it in the air.

(Tupac tosses a coin.)

HOFFA

Head!

(Tupac catches the coin and slaps it on the back of his hand.)

TUPAC

What do you mean, “head?”  It’s either “heads” or “tails.”

HOFFA

Heads!  Heads!

TUPAC

Tails it is!

HOFFA

Oh shit!

TUPAC

Mr. President, you have your choice — to go first or second.

JFK

I will let Jimmy go first to see what he’s got.

ELVIS

Good decision, Jack.

TUPAC

Hey, no help from the audience!

(looking at Elvis)

Okay, Jimmy, you’re on.

(Tupac puts on the music. Hoffa gets out there and does a fairly good job of hip hop dancing.  He really gets the committee onto their feet!  They are whooping and hollering and cheering.  Jimmy has a big smile on his face and really enjoys playing the crowd.)

TUPAC

Whew!  That wasn’t bad.  All right, Jimmy!  Where the hell did you learn those moves?  I know you didn’t learn that watching American Bandstand!

HOFFA

(trying to catch his breath)

Shoot, I wish I had learned to dance.  I could have had a fuckin’ ball at those union hall get-togethers.

TUPAC

That’s going to be a hard act to beat – but JFK’s got a lot riding on this – so let’s see what he’s got – Mr. President —

(JFK comes out with a hip hop type uniform — long jean shorts or jeans that are obviously too big for him — and he has his underwear showing from the top.)

(The music begins.  JFK starts going through his moves.  Tupac is rolling on the floor — so are the committee members.  JFK stops dancing.)

JFK

Wait a minute, this isn’t the song I practiced with.

HOFFA

Hey, if you’re good you ought to be able to do it to any song!

TUPAC

OK, Mr. Pres — you are right — my mistake — hold on — okay, judges — forget what you just saw — let’s give him another chance.  Here you go —

(JFK starts dancing, but doing really well this time.  The judges are whooping it up and cheering.  Hoffa is showing a look of surprise.  JFK actually does some difficult moves — and does them quite well.  The judges continue to cheer and clap.)

TUPAC (Continued)

Whoa!  I don’t think I was ready for that.  Dude, you must have been practicing when I wasn’t looking — or did you find some stuff around here.

HOFFA

Yeah, we need some drug testing.  This could become an Olympic sport.

TUPAC

Who’s talking about drugs — I was talking about booty!

(smile)

OK – folks — it’s time to vote.

(Lennon passes out ballots and the judges mark them.  Elvis collects them.)

TUPAC (Continued)

Elvis, give them to Dr. King to count.

(MLK counts — and makes a total.)

TUPAC (Continued)

Do we have a winner?

MLK

We most certainly do.

TUPAC

Will both contestants present themselves.

(pause)

Before we hear the verdict, I want to congratulate each contestant on having the guts to get out here and embarrass the shit out of yourself.  This would be like me competing in snow skiing!  Ya done good — and no matter who ever wins —

JOHN LENNON

We love ya both!

TUPAC

Yeah — we love ya both.

HOFFA

Come on — I can take it!

TUPAC

The verdict, Dr. King…

MLK

It was close — just like a supreme court decision — we have a 3 to 2 result.  The winner is John Fitzgerald Kennedy!

(All judges and Tupac surround both competitors and they give each other “high 5’s” then form a bilateral hug — which closes into a whole group hug with appropriate sounds of mutual support.)